Pissed as a treeshrew
With all the hoopla surrounding standards for excessive alcohol consumption, perhaps we've neglected the hardest hit.
Spare a thought for the pentailed treeshrew, which spends two hours a night suckling on nature's beer source - flower buds of the Bertam Palm.
Researchers from Germany's Bayreuth University reckon these little rodent like creatures are hitting the buds hard - hard enough to get your average human drunk - but are stumped by the animal's ability to appear sober. Well be stumped no more. As a slightly above average alcohol consumer, I can assure you that a well trained body will sedate the effects of alcohol, making getting pissed just that bit harder.
Mark my words, it won't be long before we see pentailed treeshrews leaving the palm buds where they hang and turning to the guarana and bull urine of the alcopop tree. I can assure you that when this catastrophe nears, I'll be grabbing a case, jumping on a train and leaving to rock out with the raging rodents of the Malaysian rainforest.